What's it like to date a trans woman? If you've never experienced that before, it's natural to wonder what you can expect from this relationship. First, not every trans woman is the same. There's no entirely universal experience. Still, trans women have a lot of shared experiences. Those can emerge in positive and negative ways as you navigate your dating relationship with your current partner.
Who Should Read This
This article is for you if you are in the early stages of ts dating, or are genuinely open to dating trans women. This article is not for you if you are a chaser, see dating a trans girl as a way to satisfy a fetish, or just want to look for negatives to confirm your own anti-transgender bias.Are you wondering what intercourse is like with a trans woman, you won't get your curiosity fix here. It's not inherently wrong to be curious about this as long as you don't treat trans people as objects to satisfy a fetish or ask inappropriate questions. This just isn't the place to learn about that. If you want to know about that, find information sources that are affirming to the trans community. Even better, just communicate with the trans woman in your life - she's the one you're going to experience this with most likely.
Also, be aware that this is written the assumption that you are a straight cis guy or girl. If you aren't, that's okay! You might find some valuable insights that will benefit you anyway.
Pros: Dating Transgender Women
ts dating can be a transformative experience in a good way. Here are a few of the positives you might experience when you date a trans person.Trans Women Have Developed Inner Strength Through Necessity
The trans person you are dating has navigated so much. She has confronted her identity, come to terms with who she is, and made a decision to live authentically. Even if she has only experienced support from her friends and family, that's a process that comes with trauma. She's had to do all of this when the LGBT community as a whole has been under attack with trans people facing increased violence and false rhetoric. Then, there's the matter of dealing with gender dysphoria that can be a daily challenge for so many trans girls.Any human being who has navigated the trans experience has exceptional inner strength. Who wouldn't want a partner with that kind of resilience.
She Knows Herself
You don't come out as a trans woman without getting to know yourself very well. When you have to deeply explore your gender identity, you come to a better understanding about all parts of yourself. A trans person often has a level of self-awareness that many other people don't ever reach. Even better, depending on where she is in her journey, she might have a sense of security in who she is that other women you've dated have not.She Has a Better Understanding of Gender Than Most People
Transgender people have to buck heteronormative views and expectations of gender in order to be themselves. Through this process, they develop a deeper understanding of the construct of gender as something that society assigns to people based on their body parts. They understand that gender is not a binary, and are capable of having nuanced conversation on this topic and its intersection with biological sex.They Understand Loving Themselves And Others Through Growth
We all transition - meaning that we all face struggles and experiences that cause us to grow. A transgender woman experiences transition on so many levels, and has to love and embrace herself throughout this process. This gives her a unique perspective on personal growth and change. Because of this, she is so much more likely to embrace your growth and change too.She Can Embrace Her Anatomy And Yours
When you're dating a trans person, you'll need to let go of whatever preconceived notion you have about bodies. Every transgender body is different, just like every the bodies of cis women vary from one person to another. The woman you are dating may or may not be on hormones. She may have had surgeries or not. Whatever she has or has not done, she is a woman. To see herself that way, she's had to accept herself and what she looks like.This also means that she's likely to accept your physicality as it is too. No, you don't have to be trans to love and cherish your partner's anatomy, even with perceived flaws. But, it certainly helps if your story includes learning to love and respect yourself even if what you see in the mirror sometimes causes you to struggle.
Cons: What to Be Aware of When Dating Trans Women
When you date someone who is trans, much of the experience is like dating anyone else. If you share mutual respect, trust, and connection, you can have a great relationship with your partner. That doesn't mean there aren't challenges. Factors such as:- Your lack of understanding and misconceptions
- Trauma
- Societal norms and expectations
- Misunderstandings
Impacts of Misinformation And Lack of Understanding
Many people don't understand trans issues. That might include you as well. This can lead to tension in relationships. Even if you have a healthy understanding of gender identity and sexuality, other people in your life may not. People can be well-intentioned and still cause harm and trauma through their ignorance.Bigotry And Social Stigma
There is a very good chance that you and your partner will experience bigotry. Sadly, you may encounter this from your friends and family. Even from strangers, it can be traumatizing to deal with hateful words and actions.Pressure From Society
Some people may pressure you with questions about the private details of your relationship. You may field intrusive questions or feel pressed to educate others on gender and sexuality. When you feel like you constantly have to explain or justify your love life with the woman you care about, that can take a toll.Personal Safety
People who are trans are more likely to be the victims of violent crimes, harassment, and bullying. You may end up witnessing those things first hand, or even experience that directed at you. This risk increases if you live in or travel to places where being trans is illegal or culturally unacceptable.Medical Challenges
Some trans folks choose not to use medical interventions. Other trans women do. If the person you date opts for hormonal treatments or surgeries, those can be challenging. They may deal with side effects, complications, and psychological impacts. These can be stressful for you and them.Meeting Intensive Emotional Needs
Your partner may experience trauma and stress. They may experience being scared of the dangers they encounter or their changing presentation. Many have experienced self loathing, and years of questioning both their gender and their own sexuality. Of course, offering support comes with any partnership. Still, you must be prepared to be there through some pretty intensive stuff that requires empathy, patience, and understanding.You May Have to Confront Your Own Bias And Hang-ups
If you're a guy dating a trans gal, you may have to fight against your own perceptions and hang-ups. This is true even if you have progressive views. You might question if this makes you gay even if you've always identified as straight. Sometimes, you may be tempted to keep your relationship a secret just to avoid pushback from others.Try to remember that your sexuality hasn't changed. If you are a straight man dating a woman, her trans identity doesn't change that.
Tips For Dating a Trans Woman
How can you enjoy a date or even something ongoing with someone who is trans. These life tips will help you enjoy this experience while being a supportive partner.Treat Her Like Any Other Woman
One of the most validating things you can do with her is to simply treat her like you would any other women. Use the same words and phrases that you would when you speak to other girls you date. Tell her she looks pretty, or hot if that's what she prefers. Put your arm around her shoulder when the moment is appropriate for that. Show that you are proud to be seen with her.Don't Talk About Surgeries or Body Parts
If things progress to intimacy, the two of you can talk about her body. But, that's not something you need to approach during your first dates. Avoid asking intrusive questions about procedures or her anatomy. Don't use phrases like pre op or ask her if she has finished transitioning.Respect Her Boundaries
If you do have sex, don't assume anything. Instead, ask her where her boundaries are. For example, not all trans girls are fine with having their genitals touched or exposed. Ask her what she likes and what she is okay with. Express your preferences too.Ask About Her Interests
Imagine going on a date and the only topic of conversation was your gender or anatomy. Of course that would be frustrating. There's more to her than her trans identity. Ask what she enjoys doing. Share stories about your lives. What is she most proud of? you should be able to identify at least one single thing to talk about beyond her gender.Give Her Agency
You're out on a date, and some guys start making threatening or rude remarks. You might be tempted to jump in and confront them on her behalf. Stop. When you do that, you're not being her hero. What you're doing is taking away her agency, and deciding for her how to handle that situation. Listen to her and let her decide how she wants to handle the situation.There's no right or wrong way for her to navigate this. It's okay if she wants to stand up for herself. It's just as okay if she takes a different course of action. Her only obligation is to be safe. Empower her to choose and let her know that you are there to support her if anything bad were to happen.
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